Your room in the TARDIS felt unusually small as you pressed yourself into one of its corners.  Trying to fix yourself in a way that relieved the aching in your back, you almost dropped the book that you were reading.  Not that it mattered.  You had been on the same chapter for over an hour.  The sentences were nothing but hollow echoes in your mind; they held no meaning or bearing on your imagination.  Your thoughts were too fixated.  No distraction in the world could keep the conflict within you at bay.  Not even your favorite story.

  He wasn’t The Doctor.  His thick, dark locks, his goofy smile.  He was nothing at all like The Doctor.  Not your Doctor.  The way he had looked at you when he regenerated, it was like he was seeing you for the first time.  That sparkle in his eyes, it was enough to make your head spin.  He wasn’t the same man.  He wasn’t even close.  You couldn’t see even an inkling of your Doctor inside those blue-green orbs.  That was when it hit you; The Doctor was gone…forever.

 Of course, The Doctor had told you about the regeneration process.  You had always wondered what it would be like, if it was painful, if a piece of the old Doctor remained.  You were so convinced that you had answered at least one of the mysteries.  There was no way that that man, that Time Lord, who was now somewhere trouncing around the TARDIS, had any of your Doctor inside of him.  If he did, it was buried somewhere deep, deep, deep down.  Somewhere where you’d never find it.  So there you were, in your room, mourning in the only way you knew how.  You weren’t crying, you weren’t hysterical.  When The Doctor regenerated, when the TARDIS crashed, you simply locked yourself in your room like a child.  Now that it was fixed and you were traveling through the stars once more, you still refused to exit the confines of your bedroom.  The new “Doctor” had tried coaxing you out several times, but none of his attempts had worked.

  “He’s not The Doctor…” You muttered, trying once more to relieve the stiff, achy feeling in your back.  Not only had you stayed up all night, you’d sat up all night thumbing through volume after volume of history books, lab manuals, anything that might occupy your mind for a bit.  Finally, after realizing you had lost your place again on the page that you were reading, you slammed the book shut.  Letting out an irritable sigh, you swung your legs over your bed and let your toes dangle idly over the wood flooring.  “Time for another trip to the library…wonder if he’s found it yet.”

  You were about to push yourself from your bed, when a strange sound disturbed the silence that had filled your room for hours.  You hadn’t realized how long it had been since The Doctor’s last attempt at getting you out of your room.  Your ears had grown accustomed to the quiet.

  Sweet jazz music leaked through the cracks of your door, muffled slightly by the wood, but not so much that it distorted the sound.  You thought that the tune sounded familiar, but it was playing so low that you couldn’t quite place it.  After a moment, you slowly slid off of your bed and tiptoed to the door, pressing your ear against it with childish curiosity.

“When you’re alone, who cares for starlit skies?

When you’re alone, the magic moonlight dies.

At the break of dawn, there is no sunrise

When your lover has gone~

What lonely hours, the evening shadows bring

What lonely hours, with memories lingering

Like faded flowers, life can’t mean anything

When your lover has gone~”

Your jaw twitched as you listened to the lyrics of the song.  You knew you recognized it, but the singer sounded a bit different…as did the tempo of the song.  Eventually, a thought clicked in your head, but you immediately discarded it.  ‘He couldn’t be singing that,’ your brows furrowed. ‘The accent, and the octave itself is wrong.  Plus, there’s just no way…’

 As the music rolled on, scenes of you and The Doctor played through your head like an old movie.  You remembered all of the amazing things he had shown you, all of the things you had experienced together.  You allowed your eyes to close, and as they did, you tried to picture his face.  His dark eyes, his unruly hair that was perfect no matter how messy he made it.  More than anything, though, you missed his smile.  There was such sincerity and warmth buried beneath it.  The thought of never seeing it again broke your heart.  You would give anything to go on one more adventure with that Doctor--just one more.  A lump formed in your throat as you tried to swallow, knowing that you would never get that chance.  There was a gentle thud as you rested your forehead against the door.

“What lonely hours, the evening shadows bring

What lonely hours with memories lingering

Like faded flowers, life can’t mean anything

When your lover is gone-on-on-on-on-”

Your brows furrowed once more as you stepped back from the door and eyed it strangely.  The song just kept skipping over and over…eventually you heard a semi-familiar voice say, “Aw, for the love of…” followed by the very familiar high-pitched hum of the sonic-screwdriver whizzing to life.  It wasn’t long before the hum became as choppy as the music, causing the Time Lord on the other side of your door to become even more frustrated.  “What!  I just charged it!”

You arched an eyebrow.  ‘Apparently not long enough.’

  Suddenly, a symphony of bangs, clangs, and smacks vibrated your door.  After a moment, you rolled your eyes and swung it open to reveal The Doctor, with his hand reared back ready to smack an odd looking radio, or at least you assumed it was a radio.  It was the device that the noise once classified as music was coming from.  He stared at you, a bit dumbfounded.

“What are you doing?” You shook your head slowly and gestured for The Doctor to hand you the radio.  He glanced from the device, to you, then back again before letting his free hand drop to his side.  Finally, The Doctor surrendered it to you, but not before giving it a dirty look.  One turn of the dial and the noise was gone for good.

“Ah, that’s better,” The Doctor straightened his tweed jacket and sniffed slightly, rocking back and forth from the balls of his feet to his heels.

“How…does this thing work?”  You asked, turning the odd device around in your hands.  You knew it was a radio, but what kind of radio picked up stations in space?

“Ah, that is one of my inventions!  Made it while you were in here—was a bit bored—and I wanted some music to help pass the time.  Apparently one of the ships traveling nearby likes old Earth jazz.  Pretty sure that was a remake, though.  Or not…aw, well.  The frequency got disconnected, but for some reason that last note stayed in the radio and skipped like a record-player…”  The Doctor sighed and took radio from you, giving it one final look before tossing it over his shoulder.  You cringed as it crashed into something, causing a stream of shatters, bangs, and even a cat screech to echo through the halls of the TARDIS.  The Doctor frowned and glanced over his shoulder.  His eyebrows arched as he gave you a curious look. Jabbing his thumb in the direction of the noise, he whispered loudly, “Did you hear that?”

You rolled your eyes and turned on your heel.  When you didn’t reply, The Doctor took a step forwards and shrugged, pressing his hands against the doorframe to your room and leaning inside.  He smiled awkwardly, peering over your shoulder.  “May I come inside?  ‘S a bit drafty out here.”

You pressed your lips into a tight line.  “A draft in outer space.  Interesting.  Never heard that one before.  And sorry, but I don’t usually let strangers into my room.”

The Doctor whistled and frowned, pushing away from the doorframe and wrapping his arms tightly around his torso.  “Ouch.  That was a bit hurtful.”

You glanced at his face and stiffened a bit.  He actually did look a bit hurt by your comment.  The Doctor peered up at you from beneath his long lashes and you felt a twinge of guilt.  This, of course, only made you even more irritated, but whether it was at The Doctor or at yourself, you really couldn’t tell.  After a moment, you stepped aside and waved your arm lazily.

“I don’t want to intrude.  I mean, if you were doing something,” The Doctor shoved his hands into his pockets and began rocking again.  Man, was he hyper.  “Isn’t that the same book you were reading a few days ago?” He squinted slightly and pointed to the book lying on your bed.  You opened your mouth to reply, but before any words could form, The Doctor had already made his way to the far side of your room.  A deep frown creased his forehead as he picked up the book and read the title.  “It is.”

 You opened your mouth, then closed it.  Eventually, you just tossed your shoulders in a half-effort shrug.  “I’m a slow reader.”

“Not the ______ ______I know,” The Doctor replied with a fond smile.  He stretched his arms slightly before taking a seat on the edge of your bed.  “Care for a narrator?  I’ll even make different voices for the characters if you like!”

“No thanks,” you leaned against the wall and stared at a small crack in the flooring.  It was almost invisible to the human eye, but still there nonetheless.

  A few moments of silence passed awkwardly as The Doctor tried to think of something to say.  Eventually, he sat the book down on your nightstand and patted the space beside him.

  “I don’t have cooties,” he said, resting his elbows on the tops of his legs.  You dared a glance in his direction.  Your mistake.

  With his chin rested on his intertwined fingers, The Doctor stared at you with a look that reflected a feeling that you knew oh too well: loneliness.  You let out an irritable sigh as you tried suppressing the heat that was traveling up your neck.  It had already enveloped your ears and turned them a lovely shade of rose-pink.  ‘Great…he’s a master of the puppy-dog look.’

  “There we are!”  The Doctor smiled cheerfully as you sat down on the foot of the bed as far away from him as possible.  No sooner had your rear hit the sheets then he slid right next to you.  “Just like old times!”

  Something in what he said struck you the wrong way.  A sudden rage pulsed through you as you stood suddenly.  After gathering enough breath, you started spewing out exactly what was on your mind before you had a chance to think it through.

  “You are not my Doctor, I refuse to call you by that name, and things will never be as they were!  Ever!”  You stared at The Doctor, your vision blurry with hot tears that had been suppressed for far too long.  Your eyes ached as they spilled over your lower lids.  It didn’t take long before your head started pounding.  You closed your eyes in an attempt to relieve the pain, and felt a bit of vertigo set in.  Before you could stagger, however, a pair of strong arms secured themselves around you.  The scent of honey and cloves filled your senses as you were pulled into a warm embrace that could only be described as heartwarming.  Your cheek was forced against his tweed jacket, the fabric tickling it and causing your face to twitch slightly.  You were about to push away when you heard something that caused you to become momentarily paralyzed.  It was a familiar, wonderful sound that filled your entire body with a tingling joy.  A bit muffled, but loud and steady, you heard it.  The Doctor’s heartbeat.

  Once The Doctor knew you weren’t going to fight him, he loosened his grip a bit.  You lifted your head, glanced at him with puffy eyes, and pressed your ear to the other side of his chest.  There, the same sound repeated itself.  You closed your eyes, allowing a final stream of tears to slide down your cheeks.  He had the same hearts.  He was different, yes.  He had a different face, and a different personality, but his hearts were still the same.

  “I know this isn’t easy,” The Doctor started hesitantly.  He pulled away from you slightly so that he could look you in the eyes.  Curling his index finger under your chin, he forced you to face him.  “I know you’re angry, and confused, and you feel like you’ve lost someone--you have--but I don’t want to lose you.  It’s no fun seeing all these amazing things and having all these adventures if I can’t share them with you.  You’re…”  The Doctor paused, searching for the right words.  He thrummed his fingers against your back, his expression becoming thoughtful.  Somehow, it amused you, the way his lips puckered and his jaw twisted.  His brows were so closely knitted that a small patch of skin puckered between them, and a strand of stray hair had drifted over his forehead.

 You opened your mouth, then closed it.  For a while, you just stared at The Doctor, then, almost as if they had a life of their own, your hands began tracing the lines of his face.  Your index finger poked and prodded his soft skin, while your other hand curved around his thick jaw.  The Doctor’s expression relaxed as you began exploring the differences between him and his previous form.  Larger nose, steeper forehead, thicker chin.  It wasn’t until you reached his lips that you hesitated, your finger trembling a bit as you focused on the rosy pink flesh.  Finally, you let both of your hands fall to his shoulders, and curled them around the collar of his jacket.  You swallowed nervously, your eyes darting down to his bowtie and staying there.

“I like the bowtie,” you muttered, your words jumbling together a bit.  The Doctor chuckled and smiled brightly.  You didn’t have to look to know.  His eyes had that same sparkle again.  He was giving you that look.

“I like bowties.  Bowties are cool,” he winked at you.  You bit your lip, trying to contain a small grin, but it soon expanded into a full-blown smile as you began curling and uncurling your fingers around the fabric of his jacket.  “That’s my girl!”

You glanced up at him, your eyes meeting with his voluntarily for the first time since his regeneration.  “Why did you come here?  Why not just wait and see if I would come around?”

The Doctor dipped his chin slightly.  “You looked like you needed a friend.”

You gave the Time Lord a bright smile before pulling him to you, one hand resting on the curve between his shoulder and neck and the other tangling in his thick locks.  He gave you a gentle squeeze as you re-initiated the hug, your cheek resting softly against his.  “I’ve found one.”

THE END~